I am unsure where the concept came from in regards to step moms being just the wife of the husband who is the dad.
Sounds very Vulcan if you ask me. I mean logic; yes; a step mom is the wife of a dad. The issue is that
the step mom is also the new gained mom of the child of her husband.
See how all the logic just looks like – well logic. There’s one element overlooked and that’s the emotion to it. That emotion can be described with a word: bonding. The fact of the matter is becoming a step mom means you have legally accepted your loved one as your husband and their child as your child.
It does not take away or change the child’s bond with their biological mom what so ever. The bond that the mom and child have is simply none of your business as a step mom in my opinion. For myself
my focus is on my bond with my gained child.
You see in our home we are a family; a modern family; but still a family. Our family’s story is not narrated as a traditional, see each other every day set up. Instead our family moments are zippered in alongside my gained daughter ‘s moments with her mom.
Within our family we have multiple layers of bonding happening. You see there’s the group bonding which is helping us create the foundation for our modern family. There is the just dad and daughter bonding and then there is the gained mom and daughter bonding. I correlate it like a tree.
The root; the foundation; is the bond between my Husband and I.
You see it is that connection and continuing building that allows our “branches” to grow strong together and separately with Uni (my gained daughter).
It is OK to work towards having the throw back memories; as the years grows under your new family to reflect moments as a family and moments just between you and your gained child.
In the beginning I started with little small outings with my gained daughter; baking and arts and crafts and we graduated up to road trips together. We have jokes and stories and moments that will one day turn into our own personal memories of just our bond.
So, no you; as a step mom; you do not have to just stay by your husband side connecting through him with your gained child. No Ma’am, you can step forward by yourself and create your own.
I feel like I must add what I believe is obvious; but the bonding journey has to be at the child’s pace; not yours nor the moms. Just the child.
Respect their timing of acceptance and I think you will be pleasantly pleased with the journey.
Cheers and just know Your are Super Mom. Keep supporting. Keeping Learning. Above all Keep Loving.