You knew him as your Ex. You don’t know him as my Man!

There is this song by Jana Kramer called I Got the Boy. In the lyrics it goes:

I got the first kiss and she’ll get the last She’s got the future, I got the past I got the class ring, she got the diamond and wedding band I got the boy, she got the man

I mean this is true, many of us have been in more than one relationship therefore many of us are indeed an ex of someone. Sure there are things people learned about their partner when they are dating them. You and the ex- have memories, whether good, bad or a mixture of both. Those are yours. Some people walk away and based off their experience with that ex will have an opinion of that person. If it was a bad breakup more than likely those opinions are going to be negative. I can say that I am not the same with my Husband as I was in any of my past relationships. I move different, I love different, I choose to be different. What my exes might have knew of me back then does not compare of what they don’t know of me now as I am with my man. Yet still there are some out here walking around with a sense of distorted importance, believing what they knew of their ex stands still and true with the new woman. So, to that woman who thinks that, let me converse with you. Shall we?

Here’s where the bull starts.

When you stare at somebody straight in their eyes and proceed to tell them who THEIR MAN is; when they are CURRENTLY in a relationship with; is when you have bump your head.

There’s a huge difference in recounting back your experiences with your ex versus telling me how and what my man is in the present. No Ma’am. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not any day. In fact, you are not letting it be known to me, who my man is, instead you are letting it be known to me who YOU ARE and how clearly my man being my man and your ex bothers your “un-bothered” self.

I mean I can break it down with just simple thinking. Each relationship a person get into is different because the partners are different. Your personalities, similarities or differences will play into your relationship just as well as how compatible you both are.

Example for you. You could have had horrible communication with your ex. Both of you could had been passive or tend to do more avoidance than talking things out. Maybe you both were messy or both of you had the same weaknesses as lack of accountability or maybe one of you had infidelity. You break up and now that ex sees you as a cheater and liar and you see your ex as a horrible communicator.

You both move on right?

You get with someone new that you choose to be faithful to and your ex gets with someone whose strength could be communication.

What does this mean?

It means that the formula is set up different my love.

It means that I could never tell you how my man was as your man.

Not my place, nor my concern.

Your whole relationship is one hundred percent irrelevant to my life with my guy.

You have every right to voice how your past with my guy made you feel.

But when you change the “he was” to “he is”; you cross delusional waters.

Take your history, wrap it up, learn from it. I don’t care. Do what you want with your experience. Maybe you will adapt or maybe you will remain the same in your next relationship; however, dot comma do not come over to my lane telling me anything.

It just really baffles me that any woman wouldn’t be able to see how that makes you look to the new woman. It is just as bad as when you get the ” I don’t care what he does” because everyone knows that when you say, ” you don’t care” when you had not been ask if you cared; that you are coming off as if you are “caring”.

So to that woman out there that has said to another woman that she KNOWS HER MAN here’s my sweet letter to you :

Dear Delusional Ex

You don’t know how that man is with her, because you don’t know what she brings out in him and what he brings out in her. You don’t know what strengths she has that balances any of his weaknesses and vice versa. You and she don’t move the same and you might not even love the same.

What you do know is that you and he didn’t work out. What you should probably know is that all your discontent for him is probably a mutual feeling.

Believe it or not he is probably not the same guy he was with you with the woman he chose to be with after you.

You both could had walk away saying ” never again anything like that one”. Applaud it.

For you it was dodging a bullet for her it’s catching a fly ball. Unexpected but just for her. She does not care what you think about her guy, Sis. If anything she is thinking as you are talking that bull ” let it go , let it go “.

I mean how are you going to have room for a new guy if you still stuck on hers? It’s OK to move on. It is even better to move on without trying to drag someone. Be better Bag Lady. Let that woman have her future and rock her relationship. Let her and her man build each other up. Because you see it’s no longer just him boo, it’s THEM. He has swooped in as her Superman and she has swooped in as his Superwoman fixing each other’s repairs that exes have caused havoc. You see you are a part of that. No foul. Just know your part. You two weren’t for each other. Maybe because you didn’t know each other. Maybe because you knew too much. So, from an ex to an ex, and I write this to you in much positive light and love:

Girl Be Quiet. You Don’t Know That Woman’s Man. Whatever he was with you baby he isn’t with her. You knew your Ex. So, Exhale. Let it Go. And find someone else to get to KNOW.

~Terra Howard

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