Love: Is it something you must choose more than once?

One day, I was on You Tube and came across this video about marriage. In this video, there was a statement made that got me thinking; from a therapist stating that love is a choice that we make, and it is a choice that we must continually choose to make when we are in a committed relationship. I have had similar conversations with my friends who are married and who are in long term committed relationships; with some agreeing to that notion and others not agreeing. It is an interesting take on love in my opinion. A few days after the video I spoke to my husband and in a jokingly manner; I told him we should tell each other ” choose love” whenever we are about to bicker. I ended the conversation recalling it “silly”.

The next day we were standing in my husband’s office in our home and I started to fuss about something, and he laughed and said, ” hey choose love”. I in return laughed back and said “OK, I ‘m going to choose love”. At this stage it became an inside joke for us on silly things we would fuss like an old couple; like leaving the bowl of dried up oatmeal in the sink to folding up clothes and who turn to pick up the dog poop out in the back. It wasn’t until a few days ago when we were out of town, we found ourselves in a more sensitive subject we disagreed on. In the past these type of disagreements have led to long hours of us having to communicate our feelings; more specifically my feelings; and getting to a place of loving each other again.

I could feel my temperature rising and my “Gemini” method of arguing starting to come out; when my husband looked at me and said, ” choose love”.  I instantly laughed and I told him ” oh my world, I think it actually works”, he looked shocked and was like ” that is crazy unexpected good stuff”. I thought about it later and was just tickled at the fact that us both taking the time to remind each other what this marriage is all about is all it was taking for us to get back on positive communication. Now I am sure our approach to it is no were near in depth of what that therapist was alluding to, but I tell you, it has been a nice refresher ad-lib for us thus far.

I think we are always approached about things that require us to choose from the moment we open our eyes each morning. Think about it, you choose to either get up when that alarm goes off or hit the snooze button. You choose whether it will be standard morning routine or deviating. You choose what breakfast you will have or if the day is a no breakfast type of day. You choose your attire, body lotion or perfume to accessories. You choose whether you are going to take that call or let it go to voicemail or if you will comment on your social media.

There is a choice being made on even how you are going to start your day; and if someone or something negative happens; you choose if you are going to let that change what you had original chose to do. You choose whether you do work that day or if you are going to do just enough to calling it an off day. You choose which way you will go to work; will you take the interstate or go the scenic route. Will you beep your horn back at the rude driver who cuts you off or correct the rude lady at the doctor’s office or through drive-through? Everyday all day you are constantly choosing; so why would love not to be something you have to constantly choose?

Prior to getting married, I had this expectation of what married love should be like. For me being married and in love was a great distinction from being in a relationship and in love. I felt when I got married to my husband that was my choice to join him in this life as his partner spiritual and legally.  I have always told my husband that I choose him every day but somehow saying choose love made me feel like I was alluding that I was falling out of love with him.  It is only with time that I have begun to understand that is the exact opposite.

Saying ” choose love” is not a magical pill to a marriage when there’s conflict; it is simply a reminder of why you are there as the Wife and what matters above all superficial things that came cause negativity in your marriage.  Sometimes it only takes a few seconds to snap back into the “what is important” in your marriage. When I say or hear ” choose love” from my husband, I immediately think ” does this moment of negativity and emotions weigh more against my heart than my love and choice of being a Wife to my Husband”. In other words, I ask myself whether I want to focus on the love I have for my marriage and my man or do I choose to focus on being angry or irritated?

We are still young in marriage but our love for each other have burned for over two decades and we have been in a committed relationship for over five years. I say that to say our journey is in the beginning stage as Husband and Wife and as I learn I am so motivated and excited to share with you our successes as well as our bumps in the road. For this one I would call it a success and add it to our mini tools we store in our love vault to help us really enjoy the best out of each other and our gift we have been so blessed to receive: Each Other.

 

Keep Smiling and Building your Love with your Hubby,

~Terra Howard

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