So there you have it, a little peep inside my love life in the area of engagements. Now in between the engagements roller coasters your girl dated;and the things I experienced good and bad with that; well someone could write a blog or two about it. Some of the experiences will be published right here under Love Sweets and Lows. It won’t be everything – a woman has to keep some things to her self; but it will be some parts of this love journey that eventually led me to where I am today. It is only where I am at this moment of my life ; I can comfortably write about past emotions and lessons. I try not to place too many details to interrupt anyone current situation; although close people who have more knowledge will surely know of some of the people in my past that I bring up. It is my truths and experiences and since this isn’t a tell all blog I will try my hardest to keep the focus on my line of sight, experience, emotions, and all that good stuff. I wish all my exes much love and success in their current journey.
I have been engaged 6 times officially. The one that I haven’t summarized is the last one. Now love #6 is decades of love and a journey so incredible I can’t believe I am a part of it. If you have been following this particular blog then you will recognize love #6 as the “void”. That element that has been with me since the beginning of my love journey. That something I could never let go, no matter how incredible my journey was or crazy or toxic or just brutal. No love #6 is so sweet and unique with crazy amount of sweetness and a tad bit of sour here and there; it’s my air. Our story began, ended, stayed, paused and got re-birthed. #6 has seen its thunderstorms and laid days in the sun enjoying everything hard work and real love can bring forth. #6 was the first experience of head over heels in love. You see loves 1-5 and all the lessons in between was needed. It was only when love #6 came back into my world did I finally get it . I was shaped and prepared to love him to a depth and for a time I had to be built for. In case you haven’t figured it or checked out my other blogs ; #6 is so sweet I had to move him to whole different category. He was a part of my past but he was never met to stay in my past. What was formerly known to my journey as #6 is now known as My Husband; My Moon.
He’s my best friend, my teacher my student, my protector, my nerd, the beat to my heart. Every lesson has taught me how to be his Wife. I realized there was never a wrong turn no matter how crazy the ride. Every turn was destined for me to turn RIGHT back to him. Now when we hit a stumble; I stop; and rather it is through a long hot shower or a run on the trails, I remember every journey I’ve been on that led me to him. I remember it was a journey, hard lessons, and I continue to fight for love, believe in love. I stayed my course and allowed myself forgiveness and permission to always believe I deserve the love that was built just for me as I was for it. I can look at his faults or mistakes with a loving heart because my heart has placed hurt on others and I have chose wrong moves ; yet I know that didn’t define me nor did it scar me. It equipped me to learn and do differently and to cherish a love that isn’t ordinary.
He has been a love that has been there in the echoes of my soul.
A love that has sat patiently waiting for me to be right where I needed to be, when I needed to be
Ready and willing to love fully.
It wasn’t baggage I brought back to this love of ours.
I brought back experience, tools, compassion, empathy, determination, understanding, a fighting spirit and a forgiving heart.
I learned what I would never allow in terms of treatment towards me and what I never would placed on a person I love.
All my loves were meant to be in my life when they were, and they were meant to love me the way they did.
I didn’t understand why then but that day that I stood in a small outdoor venue with 33 guests , my Dad walking be down the aisle, my baby brother DJing , my second Mom looking with love in her eyes and my second dad marrying me to my Soulmate-
It was at that moment that I understood it all. I wasn’t seasoned enough back then, I hadn’t seen what I needed to see in order to help my husband in his journey as his partner. He is gentle with my mind, my body, and my soul. He tries each and every day and any shortfall we have endured in our almost five years of relationship, we fight together and stand together. Oh it isn’t perfect not by a long shot. We have amazing moments and incredible memories and we have some hard to swallow moments yet one thing has always remain the same: The very first time I set eyes on him, he never left my heart. I loved him so instantly and so deep I embedded this love of such magnitude so deep in my heart it withstood so many other loves; and proved time after time again that what we had and what we have isn’t an ordinary love.
Now I am still a romantic and although I don’t believe in fairy tales I do believe in My Tales … so there are still dances in the rain and the middle of kitchen. There are adventures and boring routines. There are moments of just us sharing a moment. There’s silliness and laughter and full time nerd moments. There is random debates and passion. He walks past me and all I can think about is “how did this guy just get more sexier, more handsome after our wedding than he was before?” There are little notes planted here and there and sweet nothing gifts. He knows how I love my coffee and knows just when I need a hug of relief after hours in the office. He loves me when my hair looks like who did it to who and I try very hard to love him when the shirts have more holes than they should realistically have.
And I am still a Realist . Which means? My brain and my heart this trip around is on the same team.
Lesson Learned – All other loves Simply isn’t Our Love…